she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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