why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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