maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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