question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
