We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
