He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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