your thong is hanging out like whoa
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
