It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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