When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
