and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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