I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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