I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
