we're chasing vodka with high fives
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
