Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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