I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
