I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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