Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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