he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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