I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
