I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
