Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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