you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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