is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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