I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
