She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
