no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I deserve this hangover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
