At least make sure they are 18
Why
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
