hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
