I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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