He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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