Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
