im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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