Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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