a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
