remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
