about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
