Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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