dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
