I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
