I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
