I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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