.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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