you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
