I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
