just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
