i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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