At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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