Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
