i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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