If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
