I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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